My half sister: Penny

JUST TO SAY THANK YOU!

No words or actions will ever be enough to show my gratitude or give thanks for all the love and support Penny gave to me, and Rebecca, during Rebecca’s short life and during my pregnancy – Penny’s husband John too, who Rebecca adored, and their sons Paul and Stuart. Penny was with me through thick and thin, often traveling up north (a 4 hour journey at best) to spend the weekend with Rebecca and I. She often gave me a break by babysitting and helped me when Rebecca came out of hospital after heart surgery (Rebecca was only 6 weeks old for her first major heart operation. On the day I was allowed to take her home my parents visited but arrived late so I had to leave Rebecca in the hospital whilst I vacated my accommodation, struggled to load my car, collect essential prescriptions for Rebecca and later Rebecca. My parents departed for Southport and left me to cope, frightened with a young baby 9 days after major heart surgery and needing to do some necessary shopping). Penny was a Godsend, she would even do piles and piles of ironing that I usually stuffed in the cupboard under the stairs (Rebecca had masses of clothes because so many people very generously passed on clothes from their daughters), or we simply enjoyed weekends, or days away together. How lucky was I to have a sister like that?

WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT YOUR STORY?

WELL HERE’S A SMALL SECTION OF MINE:

This THANK YOU document, created for my sister, developed into something much lengthier than I anticipated. However, it’s perhaps a useful story to be told as it could help some people to heal, help people to understand that they might be someone different, lead a different life, if they didn’t have their story ….. read on and see what you think but take note, you can change aspects of your story, challenge whether they are true or not. If there are any negative emotions attached to your story and you can change your perception of it, or acknowledge that your version might not be 100% accurate, then you can heal many issues that you carry every day of your life.

If you change your perception of what the reality was, in your mind, I didn’t discover Penny was my half sister until my mid 20’s. My Mum had had an affair with Penny’s Dad (my Dad too of course) when they were neighbours. One of my brothers is also the result of that affair! This discovery wasn’t too much of a surprise for me, I was brought up knowing about another affair my Mum started when she was pregnant with me – it lasted 15 years. So you can imagine the can of worms that this discovery opened up for all members of the family and the issues it created, plus lots of secrets and things unsaid (we believe who I thought was my Dad didn’t know he wasn’t my biological father – but I still think of him as my Dad, because he was, but it gets confusing when telling our family story).

Penny’s 10 years older than me, not that you would know the difference in our ages if you saw us together, we have often been mistaken for each other and on one occasion were asked if we were twins! Before I was born, Penny had moved to Manchester (I lived in Nantwich, Cheshire) but our parents kept in touch, often visiting each other for the day or a weekend. So I have known Penny all my life, we might not have been close in those early years but at least we saw each other, occasionally, and more so as time went on.

We kept in touch when I was a teenager and over the years visited each other every now and again – Penny moved to Caerphilly, more than 30 years ago. I think the discovery of us being sisters – Penny had known for a while – brought us closer together, so we saw more of each other and often had weekends away, just the two of us. We had many adventures, created many amusing stories to tell and share lots of happy memories too of course!

Penny supported Rebecca and I more than any other family members – my Mum didn’t see Rebecca for the last 3 years of her life, due to yet another period of time when she wasn’t speaking to me (I never knew why) and my brothers and I had drifted apart due to a variety of issues between us. Penny booked time off work to help and support me when Rebecca went into hospital for her heart operation, as did her husband John (he was with me when Rebecca passed away). This wasn’t easy for her either, as the date was cancelled and changed a few times which had a knock on effect on other plans scheduled in her very busy diary.

I couldn’t have asked for a better, more supportive sister and brother in law. Words are not enough but I hope they know how thankful I was, how grateful I was.

Rebecca and I shared many wonderful holidays with Penny, her husband John and other family members of theirs too over the years and eventually I decided to move to Caerphilly to be nearer to Penny, John and their sons Paul and Stuart.

Rebecca loved them all dearly and we had a great time living close to them, albeit it only lasted for 18 months. But it was a happy time, apart from Rebecca’s health issues, I have lots of happy memories and thankfully lots of video that I took during that time for which I am very grateful.

You could say unfortunately, Penny and I didn’t have any contact from approx 6 weeks after Rebecca passed away, until 2 years ago (so 7 years in all). It was a very difficult time in my life, I was totally devastated at my loss, felt I had been abandoned by the one person I thought would never hurt me, Rebecca, my precious daughter. I felt compelled to move back up north where I felt more at home being in familiar surroundings and, for a few months I lived with my best friend, Chris and her family.

It was Chris that introduced me to massage. I couldn’t believe how wonderful massage was and wanting to fill every minute of the day, to avoid thinking of my loss, I wanted to learn as many different types of massage as possible. I discovered there was a course, covering all the massages on my list, including counselling skills, hence I enrolled on a Stress Management Diploma course. Just imagine, had I stayed in Caerphilly, my life would have been very different to how it is now – I certainly wouldn’t be writing this document, a “THANK YOU” to my sister, to put on my website!

I did apply for jobs only a few weeks after Rebecca died but I remember thinking that if I got a job in an office, worked like I had before Rebecca was born, it would feel like she had never existed. , I wouldn’t be where I am now. I wouldn’t have done my Stress Management course, learning a range of massages, I would not have come to Turkey and, perhaps most importantly, I would not have met and married Tom ……

Thankfully, however, I did a lot of work on my issues (using EFT mainly) regarding my family which enabled me to forgive and forget and therefore, make contact with my sister (half sister – it’s easier to say sister!). Note: I will explain separately how I used EFT but suffice it to say I didn’t follow the most popular method but still got great results!

We saw each other in the UK the first year I made contact and then, in 2007, Penny came to Turkey for the first time in January, and returned another couple of times throughout the year with plans to come again, and again.

I have shared a lot of my newly learned skills with Penny, recommending books and invited her to join me on The Speakman’s seminar November 2008*, so I hope, in some small way, I have helped her, like she helped Rebecca and I.

I know that Penny has made some huge changes in her life, the last 6 months in particular, and that she’s happier than she’s ever been, so that’s some consolation for the time we were separated ie had no contact ….. If that hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have learned all these therapies (now combined to create Mind Harmony 4 Life), therefore wouldn’t have been able to share them with her and so, possibly, she too wouldn’t be living the life she has now!

I apologise for the length of this Thank You, where I might have digressed from my original intention (telling too much of my story) of expressing my gratitude to my sister and say THANK YOU. I hope, however, you have a better understanding of the healing that I’ve achieved, you find it inspirational that at least you will have learned you can always turn a negative into a positive!

THANK YOU PENNY FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT!

* Penny and I practiced the Visual Coding Displacement technique on each other – as demonstrated by Nik Speakman to reduce someone’s desire to eat kitkats! VCD can be used very successfully to help with fears as Nik & Eva demonstrated time and time again during their seminar – severe fear of heights for example. I worked with Penny for her fear of spiders which improved at the time (I asked her if it was a total success/haven’t seen her to test how successful my first attempt was) but we used it the other way around on me ie I wanted to like something instead! We worked on my dislike of eating fresh fruit, apart from bananas, and for the exercise during the seminar we used a peach from the fruit bowl provided. It wasn’t a very juicy peach, not very appetizing at all, but I did bite into it and managed to eat some of it. The good news is though that I did eat peaches in Australia and Mangoes too, so even though I didn’t use it as instructed, VCD does work to change how you think or feel about something!